An Exodus From Exodus
Folks, the time has come. I've (sort of) quit my job of 2+ years and it's time to reveal all company secrets. This is the Exodus Exposé Episode.
Tickets Please
First and foremost, the thing everyone needs to know about working in service and interacting with the general public - people are stupid and have terrible taste. I've amassed a selection of order tickets to demonstrate this point.
Starting out strong with just one of many dumbass requests from guests. What the fuck do you mean separate into 2 4oz containers????? Don't you think that would be an option on the mfing menu if that was a thing????
Moving on. This one, I feel, speaks for itself. I don't even want to think about the trial and error process that lead him to this combo of ingredients. Also, why isn't anyone ashamed anymore??? You should feel bad putting in an order like this. Neil my man, you have disgusting taste.
Oh Forrest. Don't even care that I'm kind of doxxing him - give him a ring if you like.
On one hand, I get it. On the other, now that you've told me what to do I just have to spit in it.
Lunch Box Kids
Throughout my time, I attempted to bring joy and whimsy to my fellow employees via lunch bag doodles. Here are some of the standouts:
Real varied subject matter here. I think the Halloween ones are pretty solid but I think Shawn of Mankind takes the cake personally.
Ranking the Coworkers
I want to preface that this was a request made after I ranked the regulars and the bagel flavors in an earlier edition of this newsletter. We also lightly discussed this as a group so some of those decisions stand. I also kept it to just full-time (or spiritually akin to full-time) adult employees, which really narrowed the field. Everyone who's mentioned here knows where I live so if you really want to come duke it out, cmon over.
Per the ranking the regulars segment, everyone gets a 1-2 sentence justification:
Garrett - Garrett is going to do his job with minimal delay on his end. He's also gonna crack some questionable punny jokes while he's at it.
Caroline - Caroline comes in, completes her tasks, and does not complain. She's not a giant chit-chatter but when you get to talking, you find out she runs marathons for fun.
Emily - Emily is a rule follower to her core. Real type-D personality-er.
Kami - Kami is the most efficient closer I've ever worked with in any job - if she wants to go home. Does this mean you 86 iced coffee 2 hours before close? Sometimes. But you'll be out 45 minutes early so
Hannah - Hannah is gonna get all the work done, but she's gonna wanna talk some shit while she does it. I align with her spirit.
Dubois - Dubois/Chef rides an e-scooter to and from work because he doesn't have a license, is nearly deaf from his days as a drummer and uses airpods as pseduo- hearing aids, is an avid chess player, swings between marlboros and joints throughout the day despite a battle with esophageal cancer, and has a degree in marine biology and biochemistry from University of New England. He also thought it was hilarious to call me "Carly-flower" (I think this was a play on cauliflower but I did not get confirmation).
Leo - Leo does what it is Leo's best interest and I respect it. Grade-A shit talker.
George - George is always giving 100% of what he has in the tank to give.
Nsouli - Nsouli isn't evil per say, just sometimes he tells me about how many guns he owns and how he doesn't file a tax return and how he is about halfway done with his summer reading book, Atlas Shrugged.
TTYL
rec-o-roos!
a song i'm loving:
- Killshot - Magdalena Bay
a movie i watched:
- Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
a book i'm reading:
- Still nothing, sry
Until Next Time!
P.S.
If you've made it this far, I'm revealing my actual secret. Which is that I had a fav regular named Jack Connors who was an older guy who came pretty frequently and really liked having me do his order. Normally, I'd be weirded out by this but he was very sweet about it - so sweet to the point that he said to me that I was "the only person who could take an order right" and handed me $100 cash that he said not to put in the tip jar. I obliged that request ..... and the 7 or 8 that followed. For my coworkers wondering how I took a trip to LA back in 2023, it was entirely funded by the Bank of Jack Connors.
Jack unfortunately passed away in July of last year, which is sad because he seemed like an actually nice guy for a billionaire. He was such a pillar of Boston philanthropy that Governor Healey issued a statement about his passing. I did genuinely enjoy having him as a regular ((one time he told me he could warm his hands on my smile and I do still think about it)) and I think if he had been around when I committed to grad school, that I would not have to pay for grad school lol. If you're feeling touched by Jack's spirit, you can go leave flowers or a cinnamon raisin bagel at the statue the city of Boston is building for him (not kidding).
